I have finally read the madness that is Fifty Shades of Grey and the 2 following books from the series. And my overall impression of it is: this is one of the most entertaining, badly written books of all time. I could not put it down. I was hungry for the “what happens next”, even though as I read I got the giggles at the many cheesy lines used as dialog between characters. I kept wondering when the BDSM scenes were going to pop up. And knowing this series is going to be made into a movie I kept thinking which Hollywood man candy could be awesome as Christian Grey.
What you will read after the jump is a consolidated review of the entire series. No spoilers will be included…..are you ready to enter a world of kinky sex and the art of BDSM?
Let’s first give you a quick summary of the entire story: Christian Grey is a self-made billionaire, fluent in French with exceptional piano playing skills, a philanthropic entrepreneur with a very large penis and, when not flying his helicopter or private jet, best lover on the planet. Ah, and he is only 27 years-old. He falls madly with Ms. Anastasia Steele, a shy, introvert who knows more about books than anything else. That includes relationships, dressing properly for serious interviews, and yes, sex. She will discover the latter with Mr. Grey and her whole world will shatter, one orgasm at a time. Some stuff happens in the periphery, characters not wanting these two together and a lot of fighting. And after the fighting comes the makeup sex. Then more fighting for another pointless reason. And what comes next? Indeed, more makeup sex.
General Facts about the Story
- There will be mentions of a lot of typical practices of BDSM. There will NOT be as many included as actual activities in the story. For the most part is vanilla sex. Once in a while a scene or two that will make you think “that can’t be done”. Yet, nothing overly shocking.
- These people supposedly work, but given the time they spend texting, e-mailing, having sex, fighting, and having sex again, I wonder how they get anything done. I definitely want that job
- Anastasia Steele can orgasm at the mention of Christians name. How she can ride an automobile without climaxing is a miracle! She reminded me of these guys:
General Facts about the Books
- There is a lot of flushing, lip bitting, frowning, fingers running through hair. A LOT. Should all references to actions before mentioned be removed, I think we could end up 200 pages short.
- You’d think a book that mentions “butt plugs” would be comfortable with using the actual names of both male and female genitalia. There’s no mention of vaginas and penises, only “there”, the “apex” between tights, “my sex”, and long erection. Ah, and a Christian-flavored popsicle.
- The way it’s written and how the story progresses, this could easily be a Mexican Telenovela. The leading lady suffers throughout the story and for Ms. Steele there is plenty of it (but at least she gets rewarded in pleasurable ways. And punished in pleasurable ways. Or is it rewarded by being punished? I’m so confused I’m starting to bite my lip)
- Sometimes the author forgets her characters are Americans living in the United States of America because words like “arse” and “bloody xyz” come up
- If you think the story you are reading sounds familiar is because it is. The whole tale started as a piece of Twilight fan fiction called “Master of the Universe”. The man is a tall, handsome stranger. Sexy and mysterious. Feels a very strong attraction for the girl and can’t quite understand why. Very possesive. Dark secrets. The girl is a shy introvert, insecure sometimes, but soulful and compassionate. She is stronger than she looks. Wants to be anything she can be for the man. She hesitates on some of the stuff, however. Can’t live without the guy. If you think it definitely sounds like Twilight it’s because it is exactly like Twilight, minus the kinks.
Plot Synopsis of each book
This is the first book of the series. The 2 lead characters meet and are incredibly attracted to each other. Anastasia discovers Christian Grey has a kinky side and likes it. Sexual tension is the main theme of the book. Then lots of sex happens.
This is the second book of the series. Sex continues to happen with a couple of kinky things. They also fight a lot and there is someone from Christian’s past who threatens their relationship. That doesn’t really stop the sex.
This is the third and last book of the series. Anastasia and Christian are still together and having tons of sexy times. But there is anew threat in their lives, a mysterious one. Those two can’t catch a break, really! At least the sex doesn’t stop.
If this is such a badly written book, why is it so popular?
There are a couple of factors at play. There are many other books that have tackled the BDSM topic in a more mature manner, but none of them have gotten nearly the same claim to fame as this one. The BDSM references sparked people’s curiosity. Piggy back riding on the Twilight storyline did the rest. That only explains why people start reading. Why they continue reading is an entirely different story.
My theory for this book being such a page turner is the story being a 16 year-old girl’s fantasy with some adult content. You know what fantasy I’m talking about. That impossibly hot and popular guy at your school, nearby school, or neighborhood, the want you publicly don’t care about, but secretly wished he did. All of a sudden he totally got the hots for you. Not the prettiest girl out there, you. And he is perfect all right. He poops rainbows and his breath smells of roses. He is secretly a magical unicorn.
Then the adult you fills in the blanks your 16 year-old self couldn’t possibly do: what happens when you finally cut through the sexual tension and indulge in a moment of passion. Or 500 moments of passion. The anticipation, the chase before the sexy moments makes these moments great entertainment. The sex between Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey is raunchy at times, but not too dirty and all the secrets to uncover make crave for more. So will you find a great literary masterpiece when you read this book? Definitely not! It’ll certainly be entertaining and may even be inspirational for your love life. Just don’t get too hung up on it.
Paola’s mood after reading this series: