Transformers Age of Extinction

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Synopsis: Read on IMDB

Should you watch this movie? If you have nothing better to do with your time and money, sure. And as long as you are not expecting a great story that makes a lot of sense, you’ll be fine and dandy and thoroughly entertained!

I want to say spoiler alert here, but I’m not spoiling anything because whatever you’re thinking right now is exactly what happens in this movie. Human teams up with alien robot to save the world. Explosions and gunfire. High-speed car chases. Girl in trouble needs saving. More explosions and senseless destruction of buildings. Evil humans. Even more evil robots. More buildings shattered. Girl has relationship parent does not approve of. Some perfectly fine vehicles are destroyed, of which some convert into said alien robots. Cars crash into commercial establishments full of people. Robots crash against skyscrapers (I’m guessing also full of people). Against all odds, a single human helps robot save day. More things explode in the process. Girl kisses boy and dad now approves. America wins. The end.

20140721-221529-80129738.jpgAt this point you might be thinking, “wait, wasn’t that the plot of the previous 500 Transformer installments?” But don’t be fooled. Michael Bay how completely outdone himself with this one. If you thought there was no way he could destroy even more [expensive] things in one movie, he takes you to Chicago and then to Hong Kong and shows you how to properly devastate a metropolis. And the these sequences are done so well, and the rest of the movie completely devoid of good dialog and cohesive storyline, Bay should just open up a “special effects shop” and work for other directors on their movies.

Mark Whalberg stars in his least convincing role to date: robotics nerd, father of a teenager. Said teenager, who we shall call from now on “Hot Pants” plays good looking girl in trouble who wear the most inappropriate outfits for combat situations. She also wears the most chip-resistant nail polish in history. Either the character reapplies in between destruction scenes or Michael Bay can add inventor to his CV (and a revolutionary one, no less!). There’s also a hot guy who we can call “Blondie” due to how memorable his role. Stanley Tucci and Kelsey Grammer are also in this movie which is the only thing I can say about their performance. And fans of Lost (the T.V. series) will see a familiar face, too.

Bechdel Test: Massive Fail
1. It has to have at least two [named] women in it No. Only the girl that plays Hot Pants
2. Who talk to each other She barely talks
3. About something besides a man And when she talks, Blondie is a big part of it.

Does it matter? Uggh. I can’t even articulate how much it sucks these movies still get made. That’s how many brain cells I lost during this movie.

Paola’s mood after watching this movie:

Photo: Source

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