50 Shades of Calm the F…. Down!


New developments have taken place regarding the 50 Shades of Grey movie adaptation, more specifically the two leads have been cast and there is already outrage and tears. Here are a couple of reasons why I think people need to calm the f…. down and remove this pointless anger from their lives…

In case you have been living under a rock for the past several years, 50 Shades of Grey is the first installment of a book trilogy about a young and handsome billionaire with an BDSM hobby and a young, naive virgin who excells at fellatio on the first try and climaxes on demand. You can read more about the books here.


They would look like this in real life. Photo: Source

Given the success of the book, Hollywood was quick in getting the movie rights. And after much speculation, the leads have been cast: Charlie Hunnam (of the TV series Sons of Anarchy and the movie Pacific Rim) and Dakota Johnson (daughter of Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson) as Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele respectively. Pictures above, in case you haven’t realized it just yet, are the actors. However, fans have not welcome the cast as in their minds, “Christian and Ana” look more like this:


Yep, I can see that. Photo: Source and Source

The news was met with ample criticism, so mich there is now a freaking petition to change the leads to Alexis Bledel and Matt Bomer (the people in the above photo). Yes, people are upset they got their delicious man candy replaced for another delicious man candy.














Picture sources here, here, here, here, here, here, and here

To all the outrage I say “calm the f…. down”. This is a book adaptation of a merely popular novel, not a literary masterpiece. F. Scott Fitzgerald has gotten his work adapted a couple of times with not so good outcomes and you don’t see Literature scholars up in arms about it!
Here are 7 reasons you should just “chillax”:

  • Reason 1: It’s just a movie people, not a declaration of war against another country!
  • Reason 2: Some people seem to forget Robert Pattinson experienced the same backlash when he was cast as Edward Cullen in the movie adaptation of Twilight… and we all know how that turned out….
  • 20130905-000657.jpg

    As soon as disco ball here emerged, panties dropped in the movie theater. Photo: Source

  • Reason 3: Are you people really telling me you want to ruin all that’s wholesome about Rory Gilmore by attaching her to a couple of nipple clamps? Really? You’re sick!
  • 20130905-000647.jpg

    That’s not really a hug, it’s bondage practice! Photo: Source

  • Reason 4: And coming back to Alexis Bledel, what makes her so good for the part anyway? Is it that she once played a “bookish” character, and bears some physical traits with this character? Have we forgotten Anastasia Steele is a fictional character? She could be an adorable baby fox for all we know!
  • 20130905-194009.jpg

    Blue eyes? Check. Young and virginal? Check. Avid book reader? Well, it’s not like the book describes her actually reading books, so I’m gonna say Check. Photo: Source

  • Reason 5: Granted, Matt Bomer is insanely hot and he would convincingly play a great Christian Grey on account of his baby blue eyes and ability to rock a suit. However Charlie Hunnam could also rock a suit and his eyes are….why am I even discussing this, did you see his pictures above??
  • 20130905-101044.jpg

    Well, hello there! Sure, I’d love a ride… Photo: Source

  • Reason 6: All you know about this movie is that 1. it’s based on the book, 2. it will be directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson, and 3. Hunnam will play Grey and Johnson will play Steele. For all we know it’ll improve on the crappy writing of the book and win all accolades from Hollywood
  • Not likely

  • Reason 7: Finally, in order for something to be ruined, it has to be somewhat good to begin with. Don’t forget, this is the book that brought us literary gems like this one:
  • 20130905-000703.jpg

    And she is not referring to frozen treats…

You see? There is absolutely nothing to be upset about. Let the whole damn thing play out and complain about it later. Is the end result a horrible hot mess? It’s not like Hollywood won’t give it another try if it’s a cow worth milking…..


Hollywood originality at its best!


  1. Diana

    hmmm…it’s not that the two actors that were casted are not hot… the girl is very sweet and I am sure will do a perfect Ana. And if the guy would cut his hair and shave, he would be a lot more atractive and do a better Mr. Grey 🙂 That’s my opinion 🙂

    • Paola

      Well, sadly, the guy dropped out of the movie altogether, which pretty much sucks because he was hot.



  1. Was the Fifty Shades of Grey movie better than the book? | The Paola Campo Report - […] bag so you can be certain none of that mess will get on you. For starters, you can rest…

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