I been out of the loop for a pretty long time, which surprisingly applies to how up-to-date I am on the latest releases. I am, however; confident I’ll be able to guess quite a few of these accurately. And why am I so confident? In case you are new to the blog, I watch a lot of movies. A lot. ok, let’s get busy!
This list was selected from what is currently being screened in Belgian movie theaters. These are the movies I will most likely watch (hence why horror movies like REC 4 Apocalypse are not listed here).
To clarify, I have not seen any of these movies, nor have I read their plot summaries (that would defeat the purpose of this whole exercise, wouldn’t it?). The latter was incredibly hard to do when searching for the posters of these movies. I got some clues about the plots by looking at Some of the clues may have been brought on by some of the alternative posters / stills in my image search.
Two movies that did not make the list are Gone Girl (because I read the book and know what the story is about!) and The Loft, the Hollywood adaptation of the Flemish move of the same name (I saw the original when it first came out a couple of years ago)
I did watch a teaser trailer of this movie a long time ago which told me NOTHING about this movie. There are corn fields and Matthew McConaughey is a farmer. But wait, he is also an astonaut! He is probably the only hope of humanity’s survival, but we never know what from. Probably something bad because the poster says “mankind was born on Earth. It was never meant to die there”. This is a Christopher Nolan movie, so it might be a pretty good one. McConaughey probably dies. But he promises something to a small child in the trailer, which may just save his character from doom.
This is definitely a war biopic where Brad Pitt leads this platoon of very different soldiers trying to survive…an old timey war? Maybe World War II. The group is pretty diverse: you have the good soul guy serving as Pitt’s number 2 of sorts. There’s crazy daredevil guy who puts himself in very dangerous situations, the mysterious, yet super skilled one, and then a rookie who has no freaking clue what he is doing, but will survive to tell the tale. Brad Pitt’s character probably dies.
A Walk Among the Tombstones
The tag line says “people are afraid of all the wrong things”, which is pretty silly since this movie stars Liam Neeson and when he is in amovie, you know he is the thing to be afraid of. Always. But also to cheer every horrific murder he commits because they probably deserve it. I don’t think the plot matters here. You know he is going to kick ass and take names. Period. Liam Neeson will be the sole survivor of this bloodbath.
There are a couple of other posters out there that added clues. This is definitely a crime-thriller of sorts, starring Jake Gyllenhall. He is a private investigator or something like that, and most of the movie takes place at night. He could also be a peeping tom who likes to videotape couples having sex in cars. Whatever he is, he will stumble upon something horrendous and his life will be in danger and he will need to piece all the clues together to save his ass from a mysterious perp. We will all think it’s a certain character and then there’ll be a plot twist and the perp will be a different character altogether. Jake Gyllenhall’s character probably lives.
The Best of Me
Aww, good’ol Nicholas Sparks brings us another one of those tearjerkers like The Notebook. Guy loves girl. Girl loves him back. Stuff happens and they can’t be together. They find a way to move on with their lives, pretending the other didn’t exist. They reunite and realize they still love each other, but then some terrible disease / accident / crime takes one of them away. The one left mourns the loss of loved one. Tears shed in the movie theater. I don’t know how this guy does it, but Sparks can churn out these stories like Stephen King does with horror movies. Someone must be watching these adaptations if they keep getting made. Whatever!
Ryan Reynolds looking over his rearview mirror with those fearful eyes, plus the movie’s title can mean one of two things: Either some psycho has kidnapped someone he loves and he needs to do some shady business to get their freedom OR he is the psycho (and that look is him worried someone might notice he has someone in the trunk of his car. The plot probably takes place in some remote northern town in the U.S. in the middle of winter. Most of the guys wear hats and flannel shirts. Ryan Reynolds’ survival in the end? Not sure. But whatever the outcome I predict it’ll be incredibly unsatisfying.
The Maze Runner
It is based on best selling novel according to the poster and considering the books Hollywood adapts into movies these days are Young Adult ones. So this going to be about a dystopian future where people are trapped in a horrid place and the only way out is this maze full of peril and death. Maybe it’s the place where a dictatorial regime throws it’s non-compliant citizens, most of the times teenagers with too many opinions. There’s a kid who will sacrifice everything and go run the damn maze, for freedom and whatnot. This person will have a trusty sidekick by his/her side. I don’t know if the protagonist is male or female, but the sidekick will be of the opposite sex and they will fall in love and stuff. Someone will die acting as a catalyzer of important events. The protagonist and the sidekick survive.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
I don’t know what these HGH, steriod-pumped abominations are these, but they do not look like the cutesy turtles from the 90s T.V. Show. The only other thing I can tell you about the plot ofthese movie by the look of this poster is these creatures do NOT crave pizza (most likely, your terrified soul). The audience dies within the first 10 minutes of the movie, after these montruosities come on screen.
White Bird on a Blizzard
Eva Green plays Shailene Woodley’s stepmother. She only married her her father because he was rich and powerful and wants to get it all for herself. Woodley has a boyfriend who turns put is sleeping with her stepmother. Her father dies and the stepmother gets half of the inheritance and is trying to get rid of the girl who got the other half. She finds comfort in the arms of a tall, handsome stranger, probably a servant at the family estate she ignored (but he secretly had crush on the girl). I’m aware this sounds like a soap opera instead of a serious artsy piece that was presented at Sundance, but that’s all I got… Maybe she experiences a sexual awakening of sorts that helps her become more assertive towards her evil stepmom. That’s more Sundance-y, I guess. The protagonist definitely lives. The stepmom probably dies.
Hector and the Search for Happiness
Hector is a cranky man who can’t any find enjoyment in life and is, thus, pushed by some quirky circumstances to search for it. He probably has one of those professions that do not allow much adventure like accountancy or insurance. From the outfit he could be a college professor or even an old-fashioned shrink. In the course of this quest for happiness he will meet an unconvetional girl, a manic pixie dream kind of girl who will show Hector a whole world of possibilities. Hector survives at the end.
How about it? Did I nail it? I guess I will also answer my own question in the next couple of days, but do leave your comments below with your thoughts!